The Bear

The Bear is a symbol of strength, and thats what i am told that represents me. I feel i have to uphold that. I don't need anybody to make me happy besides my friends and family. i know whats been making me stressed and sleep deprived. I just needed to realize it. As i read my old messages about Francisco, i realized that i had become the kind of girl that i hated the most. Girls full of themselves and not really opening their eyes to reality. I can't believe i was cought up in that type of world. Please, I'm strong and i dont need someone in my life like that to make me completely happy. only thing good coming out of a relationship is that it's an award of hard work and being able to wait to be in a great relationship. well; i'm glad that i'm blogging again. (:

I never meant to start a war

past two nights i have not slept much. I didnt sleep until it was early morning. new years i did not sleep till 5:30 a.m. Last night, not till 7 a.m. this morning. And now i found myself in that same position. I can not sleep, and i feel as though this is going to become a habit. And its not healthy, all day i have felt sick because i didn't get to sleep. Will this not only be a habit but a health issue? will it affect my life at school and with my friends. Softball is coming around and i need rest, i need that sleep to feel good about playing and so that i wont get tired out while im practicing. I feel scared. Im worried that this will hurt me emotionally as well. My mom tells me im probably being haunted from the past because i am starting to make drastic changes in my life. arren't changes good? I no longer feel like myself, i feel like i've forgotten things in my life. I'm not longer akk the way there when people talk to me. I no longer care.

You just keep going

You know what the hardest part about writing a story or a poem? The title. In all my 10 years of english class, I've never once put a title on my stories. Always got 90's. Just because I didnt put a title. How do you title a great story? How do you title a story when it's typically about everything? then again, how do you write a story on everything? How do you write about heart breaks, new beginings, health issues, and deaths? like the twilight series. Twilight. It's meaning has nothing to do with vampires and yet, it does. If i wrote a magnificent story about brave warriors and a damzel in distress and titled it, Treasures. I bet that would have made my teacher happy. My story had nothing to do with gold, silver, jewelry. A boy and a girl. I know some smart ass will relate my story to the meaning of treasures. but i dont care about the worlds outlook of my story and what they think the title should be. It's my opinion. Im the writer.
A writer's story really never ends. Its just another chapter. The writers life may not mean anything, or seem interesting to the world. But to them, it's one hell of a book. So, for everyone who wonders, how does your title tie into this blog? You just keep going with your life. You just keep going with your book, add new advetures. Keep going, because i bet there is someone out there who is interested in your book, in your life and will want to be by your side.

Let's Catch up

he and i are no longer one, he has become one with another. I'm still one with myself. I have re kindled with a first love. Too bad he is still his old 7th/8th grade self. What do i do? Do i walk out on you like i did 2 years ago? you ended it, but yet you tried to get me back and i said no. I'm sorry because now i regret it. I'll never stop having feelings for you because you were the first to steal my heart from my warm un-touched chest. You are the same person i fell in love with, that could be a good thing, and a bad thing. You still lie, you still play with my heart, you still play with my words. But you added a new one, Sympathy. You make me feel guilty because you think im judging you for who you were. and yes, i am. Turns out i was right though. Good job, you really had me going there for a second, you really had me feeling bad for you for a bit. Too bad i caught on too bad i grew up while you haven't. But i still love you. I still care for you deeply, but yet i still keep one eye open with you. I almost let my gaurd down again with you, looks like you'll have to work harder ten times harder to get my gaurd now and earn my respect.

But dont get me wrong i do still love you.

I guess it's half timing and the other halfs Luck

i'm the luckiest girl;
because I got another chance with you.
I told you i would gladly take you back.

Again.

You did it again, just like i knew you would.
But yet it was unexpected,
you tore me down and left me behind

To my suprise it was a beautiful sight

15 years of breathing.
10 years of an alomst broken friendship
9 years of a well earned education
5 years of worrying
2 years of Sacrfices
1 year of something worth living for.